The buzz around the office...

I overheard some girls at work talking today. They were discussing how many "potential" weddings there are in our department. I think they decided on 6 or 7. They were discussing how one of the girls should go to Vegas to get it done, "he would be down for that, wouldn't he?" she asked. Another girl told the story of how she bought her dress the day he proposed.

Sadly, that list of 6 or 7 didn't include me anymore. My heart half sank... while they are planning weddings I am in the process of applying for a job across the ocean in Germany. Though it is a very exciting prospect and would be a great career move, I can't help but realize the fate I am choosing by doing so.

It is making a reconciliation to the fact that I will never be a young bride, that instead I have little choice but to focus on a career and professional development.

God seems to have a way of making people take a path different than the one they have planned for themselves. Much of my life has been this way. I had no plans, hopes, or desire to be anything else than the small town girl who went to the local university, met a boy, started a family, and worked as a teacher in my former high school.

Instead, I applied to a prestigious University, got in and went, I graduated and moved closer to home to be around my sister, find a job and start living life. I partied had my fund and then decided to go back to school for free, got another degree. I then met the boy I thought was the one and started making plans... but then I had my heart broken. It has been a long year and a half since then ... and the realization that he never wanted to get married has finally settled in, so again God is pushing me in a new direction. Pushing me away from my comfortable bubble toward this amazing opportunity.

It is far from my family, friends, and him. It will require complete focus on my career and education. It will be hard, but like going to school it will be a personal and professional advancement independent of everyone else. I am not scared (but then am), and I think I could do it (besides mom, aunties, and uncles would be along to visit, I am just the excuse to travel so I hope not to be alone too long).

In the end it is one of those opportunities you have to try for if you have the chance. I figure I will never be any less attached or obligated than I am now... I'll have to stop holding back, hoping, and waiting.

But I can't help but move forward with a heavy heart because of the dream I am leaving behind.

A dream I carried with me for so long... it hurts to let go.

Homework and procrastination

So I am going to pay! I procrastinated for three weeks instead of getting my homework done, I enjoyed vacation.

Well, it is going to be time to pay... not because of the homework I have to do for my class... but because I have a whole lot of grading to do the next couple of weeks for the class I am teaching. I am so dumb. Why do I procrastinate so much?

Wish me luck. I may try to get it done tonight... but probably not.