Too Lazy

So much for trying not to be so lazy this year. I set my alarm to get up, instead I ignored it. I got up and instead of doing homework and taking down Christmas decorations I sat on the couch and watched football at my sister's house. I get home, instead of doing homework, I make tea and play on the Internet.

The only productive thing I did today was do my filing. Ugh, what am I going to do with myself?

A day

You know those days you never want to end? Well, I was blessed enough to have one on the first day of the year. Though I was dreading New Years Eve, it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. Instead it was mellow and enjoyable.

However, it was waking up the next day that made me wish the day would never end. Everything was perfect... and not in the sense that it was perfect without flaws, mistakes, or imperfections. It was perfect because it is was a normal day with the people I love and care about surrounding me.

I got up late, I looked great after getting ready, I felt great (minus cramps).

I returned some clothes, didn't buy any new ones though there were amazing sales (good discipline).

Ate lunch, called my friends, and we wandered around trying to figure out what to do. We tried the movie but it was sold out... we were going to go bowling but found a 45 minute wait, so instead we went "home" to watch a movie. We split up so half of us could get stuff for root beer floats while the other half picked a movie. We got settled in, watched some funny stuff on YouTube, we laughed, we talked, we just were in the moment.

Some left to pick up the kids and walking them to the door and bidding them goodbye was almost too perfect. The singletons were left behind, but the night was so gorgeous (thanks to the 70 degree temps during the day) that we sat around the fire pit stargazing and talking. I don't think anyone wanted the day to end.

The music was turned up and absorbing the world around us was enough. I was so happy, I prayed it would never end... but the stars continued to make their way across the sky and sleep was to be had. It may be a long time before another day like that... but if things could be that "normal" on a regular basis, I think I would be in heaven.

Marriage

What is it with me that I seem to attract men who are not interested in marriage. I always thought I was marriage material. All my mom's friends push to set me up with their sons, but these guys aren't interested in relationships their mom's just want them to be.

Then during my dating years... lots of nice guys some longer relationships... and yet none were interested in marriage.

Let's not even get into my broken engagement. The boy is delusional and I wish he would just admit that marriage was never in any of his future plans.

I guess it is my fault. I fall in love with the idea of who these guys could be. Optimism isn't usually a bad thing... but I think when you are a singleton... it is. Optimism in the wrong relationship means you hold on for too long.

You keep hoping... even when you have the evidence against you.

What is love anyway? What makes people decide to get married?

I am starting to think that love has less to do with marriage than people think. Instead we wander around meeting people, going out, and there are people you meet who become your best friends or life-long friends but you never marry because: "it isn't time," "I am too young," "there is so much I want to do before getting married," "the point of marriage is to have kids."

So marriage I think is about meeting a person you like who wants to get married when you want to get married. No amount of love will ever lead to a marriage if the timing is wrong.

So what... should it matter if you really love someone... I guess it shouldn't but in the end it does. Because even though there is love, if there is no future... is it really a realationship?

I don't think so. The sad fact is you are not together and it is not a relationship if there are no hopes or plans for the future. So are you just wasting your time?