So there have been some pregnant women at work, at least 1 every six months... Well, I finally got the guts to "feel" the baby kick. It was so weird! It all (pregnancy) still kind of grosses me out. Sometimes I think I want to be a mom, but I definitely don't want the pregnancy.
As miraculous as some people find having a baby, it is as gross to me. Don't get me wrong, I think it is wondrous and amazing that so many things fall into place and a person comes about from the entire mess. But what a woman goes through, really did it have to be that hard?
Feeling the baby today was weird. I can't say I liked it, but it made it more real.
Eww... it still freaks me out! I still feel where the belly hit my hand, weird. Oh, so weird! I can't imagine how it feels being mom, feeling it on the inside and outside at the same time. I have nothing to compare it to; I can't even think of something that might be similar.
So I am not yet anxious about motherhood/pregnancy. Maybe when I find the right guy who tells me all the right things and helps me to see how special a piece of me and him together would be, then I will not be so weirded out by it. Maybe then I will endure the rest of the mess that comes along with a baby.
For now, I am single, don't want to let my body get that out of whack, can't imagine how ugly my vagina would be afterwards, and really don't want to work that hard (being a parent) the rest of my life right now. I mean, come on, I haven't seen the Louvre yet, nor spent a week on an exotic beach.
All I can say about parenthood is, not now, not yet, and maybe not ever... that is a lot of work. I would definately need to have someone who would be able to make it more wonderous than gross and it seems like those boys are hard to find.
