Needy Girls: Am I one?

Needy Girls: Am I one?

Like many people who have been hurt before by a broken heart I tend to be rather guarded for a long time. However, it seems that when you stop fighting and give in to letting others get that close to you, it is easier for them to leave or they get scared and decide to leave. Well, at least that is what I thought. Well, I am strating to think, maybe I am just too needy and have unrealistic expectations.

Then I realized, I don't know what people mean when they say a girl is needy... What does it mean? I want to know so I can figure out if I am a "needy girl." That way if I am a needy girl, I can get to work on this and teach myself how to back off...

So please, anyone out there, everyone out there... What does it mean for a girl to be "needy"?

Another country song that tells it how it is...

I think I need to find myself a country boy... I think they know what love is or at least may want the same sappy love that is sung about in a country song.

This song, is so true.

Artist/Band: Wreckers
Lyrics for Song: Leave The Pieces
Lyrics for Album: Stand Still, Look Pretty

You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round
You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't wanna to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

[Chorus]
And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on
Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for meI can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You not making up your mind
Is killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
Leave the pieces when you go
Oh yeah
Leave the pieces when you go

An old post that needs repeating: Back to square one, two years later. :-)

Why do girls think it is their fault when things don't work out? (My new editions are in italics.)

Is it something innate in human nature? Is it socialized? Why do we think that when things don't work out and we are on the receiving end of the bad news, we automatically think it is our fault.

Even if he cheats, we wonder, what didn't I have? What wasn't I giving him that he went somewhere else? What about me was inadequate? What is wrong with me?

When in reality there is nothing wrong with you. It just really sucks because here you are investing everything that you are, giving everything you have into that person.

So though it may feel like you are not good enough... It isn't that, it is just you aren't what they want. Now there is nothing nice or friendly about that statement. I am telling you my life has changed since reading the book "He's just not that into you." I have only started to think that even though they are everything I want I may not be what they want. But don't give up hope there is someone out there, and even if there isn't, learn to love yourself. Buy yourself flowers, take yourself to the movies, treat yourself to vacations, go to places you want to go and really just learn to love yourself.

Whether you struggle with body issues, relationship issues, work issues... I think in my very limited experience that once you begin to just learn to love what you have. Start to notice the good things about any situation the problems begin to work themselves out. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing what is wrong, see what is right! I used to weigh 30 pounds more, dieted all the time, but once I stopped trying to be perfect and just started to be comfortable with where I was, it was easier to eat right exercise more, and now I weigh less... The number may not be what I want, but I look damn good in the mirror. :-)

The same with relationships. I know that I was in love. I have had three loves (now 4) in my life and each one has shattered my heart in a different way. Once because I was afraid and it wasn't what I wanted at that time. The other times because I wasn't what they wanted at that time in their lives and they couldn't admit it.

Before I was angry with my ex's. This time is different because I am not mad. I know this time I was probably ready to really dedicate my life to another person and purely loved him. I know this time the love was pure, becuase this time, I am letting go. I am not being selfish and feeling sad because I know he truely wasn't ready and more than anything that he tried. I guess that is what means the most.

Love is about timing as much as it is about attraction and loyalty. When you really start to understand what you want, and once you can be happy and content without a relationship, you will find one that works because you will no longer be dependent on it, but rather it is something to compliment the life you already have and to incorporate into your life because you want it, not because you think you should have a partner, or because other people want you to... Or for whatever reason. People are so much more attractive when they don't need someone but want that person every single day of their lives. If you start at that point, well then later on you may begin to need each other, but at least you start out even. Anyway, I got way of topic and I still have a broken heart.

This time I am not rushing the dating thing. This time I know what I need to do for me. I am going to run my marathon and finish my degree. I started thinking about law school again and making a six figure salary before hitting 30. I think I will start with a plant, and then maybe get a puppy... Yeah, it is time for my dreams again, and they will come and go... just like the boys in my life but at my dreams are a part of me that I can always come back to and finish without forgetting them.

But please please forget everything else I have said and only remember that there is nothing really wrong with you, unless you are unhappy with who you are, and if that is the case figure out what makes you happy by yourself. That is the biggest challenge in the world. Loving someone else is easy... that will happen all by itself. Loving yourself takes effort, patience, and time. Good Luck! I think you are great and I haven't even met you. :-)

Feeling normal again

Okay so I went through another break-up... I know you're saying wah, wah, wah, get over it, you should be used to it already and why the heck do you only write to your blog when you have a break up...

1. Well, it is usually because it is the only time I actually have time to write to my blog.
2. This is kind of like an online diary and this is what I am thinking about.
3. I think I come up with some interesting insights during this depressed time.

Now, I have a question to pose to anyone and everyone who reads this. How long does it take you to start feeling normal again?
That is my dilemma right now. Maybe I am just in shock or refusing to really deal with it, but...
I don't feel sad.
I'm not mad.
I'm not anxious.
In fact, I feel kind of free.
However, I don't feel quite normal.

It feels like I am forgetting to do something. If feels like something is missing. It feels like I am not exactly empty but like there is a hole somewhere in my brain.

How do you know you are "normal" again?

Are you normal again when you stop counting the number of days it has been since breaking up? Are you okay when you stop wanting to call that person everyday? Have you moved on when you go two days without thinking about the person once?

Do you think it is better to pack up everything that reminds you of that person away in a box so that you don't look at it and have something to remind you of your former lover? Do you leave it there in plain sight, and then when you can pass by without realizing it you are okay?

I am not sure you are ever normal again. I think it takes a really long time because you have lost a part of yourself and been severely hurt. I think you even enter into many future relationships with a disability. My best friend is probably right though that the only way you heal and feel normal again is not just with time, but with love.

I think not just love from another person in a special relationship, but love for yourself and realizing that you are worth and deserve someone who will appreciate you and want to work together to create a life. No guarantees of happiness but a guarantee to that another person is willing to try for the rest of their life.

All I can say, is it has been less than a week and it feels like an eternity... so when will I feel normal again? I wish I knew.

New Rules of Dating, if you want a real relationship

1. Never have a relationship with a guy who hasn't already had his heart broken.
Rationale: I think ee won't be afraid to break yours and he will never be ready to commit.

2. Don't have a relationship with someone who is an adrenaline junkie.
Rationale: When the initial fascination fades, they will fade out of your life too. As my college roomie said they are in the moment and not the long haul.

3. After you have met and decided he isn't a serial killer, don't meet him, make him pick you up.
Rationale: Boys are lazy and don't want to work at relationships, they will keep you around as long as they can and you will never know if they are committed or if it is convenient.

4. Never say you don't like flowers or the things he brings you.
Rationale: The day you do, he will stop buying you flowers and stop bringing you things.

5. Don’t always be there when he calls, keep living your own life.
Rationale: If he wants to be in a relationship and wants more, he will have to ask for it and make a commitment before he can ask or expect more. Also to keep you level-headed. As girls I think we fall head over heels and forget our dreams and goals.

Bonus: Don’t be afraid to ask about the future.
Rationale: If you are afraid to ask, you already know it isn’t the relationship. It is then time to ask the hard questions so you can move on.

The First Day of My New Life: The Healing Power of Music

The First Day of My New Life

I ask one more time, "Are you sure you can't tell?" I was asking about my breasts, I wanted to make sure they didn't look to lumpy since I had stuffed my bra with some miniatures of Vodka. I was totally paranoid to walk into the music festival for fear of being busted... but hey as recent college grads paying $6-8 a drink for the next 6 hours would get really expensive really fast.

I didn't have that much fun but I went. The bands were too slow, even though they are great headliners. Come on who doesn't like Everclear and The Fray? However, they are not exactly the most upbeat energetic music to get the crowd going and keep them going for six hours. The slow rock ballads and what some people call complaint rock didn't have the energy the crowd needed to stay in a good mood because of the expensive booze and long day. Additionally, the 30 minutes between sets was outrageous... the talking and talking... droned on so that no one wanted to pay attention to the stage anymore.
I felt like it was a really long expensive day and we didn't even head out to the arts and crafts festival and music festival to eat dinner until nearly 4 o'clock in the afternoon. We ate dinner at Gordon-Biersch then went down to the park to listen to the music and drink. The music was alright but most of the time was spent coordinating or waiting for people and talking about where they were or when they were coming. The slow music and going to get people things to drink, wore me out. Around 11pm I was ready for bed because I was bored and getting cranky.

However, in the end it was fun because I went out on a Saturday night and stayed out until the wee hours of the morning. I hadn't done much of that in a long time. It was fun to see my sister laughing and socializing with her friends. But it was also a little sad. Again, I was tagging along because I don't have many friends here. Again, I felt all alone in a huge crowd of people because the whole atmosphere was filled with memories. So it was bitter sweet to say the least, but it was a big step forward. I did two things without my former partner in crime and I survived. I did miss my friend, but I got through it.

The friends I have told, I have also told, I wish I could just fast forward through the next two months so that I could flirt, date, and just forget about this whole thing already. It's alright though, there are a lot more things to do right now. Like... my homework that I am avoiding.