Fresh yellow onions, celery, pickles, stinky boiled eggs are being diced and sliced for potato salad at Auntie Vera's. Chairs, tables, and the buffet line being arranged at Auntie Laura's and my mom baking pastelitos and fresh bread combine to create one busy bustling kitchen spanning three different houses. That is the way things work when I go to my grandma's. Well at least for as long as I can remember. This time it was for a retirement party, but it is the same scene for Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and any other holiday or party we decide to celebrate together. I guess it is out of necessity because just one kitchen will never do when you're preparing for 45 people in the same family.
This time is a little different though. Instead of leading the pack, Grandma is resting in bed. This time and from now on, things are going to be really different. Never again will grandma and me fire up the wood stove, pull out the enormous yellow Tupperware bowl, un saco de harina, pounds of sugar, cups of manteca, anise and orange juice to make at least 50 dozens biscochitos. Never again will my grandma be up at 5 am and already have breakfast ready. I'll be able to barge into Grandma's house now for only a short time to scrounge for delicious home cooked leftovers from the night before. Food, food, food; it is what my family does.
I understood, only recently, why I hate eating alone. I hate eating alone because to me, food means family. Holidays and gatherings are accented in my mind by the special dishes everyone brings. The “green stuff” made by Auntie Mary, of course my mother’s bread, Auntie Laura’s salsa, Auntie Vera’s potato salad, Auntie JJ’s purchase from the store, and Auntie Bernie washing dishes. The entire process of preparing the food is a time to spend together. Setting up the food to share with everyone is a time to visit and the actual eating… a time to visit. It is quality time. Even cleaning up is a time to visit. We work together and share whatever we have to offer with each other. There is laughing, sometimes crying but the food brings us together. The food gives us the time and excuse we all need in our busy lives. Everyone’s gotta eat, right? We just like to do it together! Maybe we are multi-tasking or trying to feel productive but it is the easiest way to enjoy each other’s company.
I know that even when we are at home and we decide to make enchiladas or a fresh pot of beans, we call someone to come and share in the simple pleasure of a warm, fresh, meal. Sometimes my Auntie and Uncle come, sometimes it is a neighbor, but sharing the experience and building relationships is what food is about. Even when we had practice until 9pm, my mom, dad, sister, brother and I would sit down to eat taco bell or whatever fast food we picked up at the dinner table and talked. Sometimes we’d talk about our day, or the news. Sometimes the conversation turned toward family. I can’t remember what we talk about, but for at least 20 minutes each day we would sit and look each other in the eyes.
I don’t know when it started, and I don’t know how. I don’t know if it was because everyone in the house would help Grandma make dinner when she had to work late. I don’t know if it is because there were so many kids that they had to work together to have enough food. Was it religion, did it happen once a week? I don’t know. Was it great grandpa’s doing? Did it not happen at all until everyone got older and became the excuse to see each other? Maybe it is because were Latin. Maybe it has a deeper historical basis of food scarcity and Darwinism. Regardless of the reason, I am so glad! My grandma said the family that prays together stays together. I agree, but I think as long as we continue to eat together and try to make an excuse to do so we will be okay.
Grandma has always been the leader and helped to bring us together. Grandma can’t do that anymore, but… we can: as long as mom makes the bread to eat with chile, Auntie Laura makes the salsa for burritos, auntie Mary brings dessert, we all giggle at Auntie JJ’s new dish, and there is a crew to clean up, as long as food means family and family means food we will bring all the pieces we need to make the whole, our family.
