A big fight

I woke up this morning in a really bad mood. My sister and I got in a huge fight last night. She is so bugged by me "hooking" up with her friends. She tries to make it about me, saying she doesn't want them to use me when in reality it is about her. What really bugs is no matter what I say she won't admit it. She doesn't want to deal with it. She doesn't want to hear it. That is the reality of the situation. I think to her, as long as she doesn't have to hear about it, it isn't real. So in may ways the truth of the matter is she is judging me and thinks I am a slut.

This makes me so mad because all she says is that if she didn't have her man she would be one. There are so many guys she would hook up with. I think there might be some jealously there too. She says they aren't good enough for me, but who cares as long as I am not going to marry them and just having fun. The thing that bugs me the most is I was never this way... Until my family told me to date lots of people, go out and have fun, "use" guys. Deep down I hate it, but now it is almost habit. I really don't know what to do anymore. I do know that my sister and I shouldn't live together anymore and that we shouldn't hang out with any of her friends together anymore. PERIOD!

She says I will never understand and she is right. When she tells me to stay away, it feels like she is saying I am not good enough for them! That is the reality to me. I hate that F*!$ing excuse. He isn't good enough for you! Or he doesn't deserve you anyway! That is bull! If HE isn't good enough for me, why do they let go. I know if I ran into a guy who was "better than me" but didn't think or act like he was, I would hang on with everything I had to make it work because by being around others who are a little more than you, you strive to be at their level and eventually become so... or at least I do. I don't think anyone is better than anyone else, but possesses qualities that we would like to have. I want someone who is little more of some things than I am, so that we can better each other by pushing each other to become more. Oh well, four months and then I will move out and actually live my life. I knew I should have gone out with my friends last night instead of hang out with my sister... I need to learn to listen to myself more. I usually know what is best for me.

My date with Harry...Potter that is.

Okay I should first say that like most people if I find a good book I become dead to the world. I may or may not answer the phone and you could be sitting across from me yelling in my face while I read and I won't hear a word you say. For a long time I was unable to find a book that did this too me since I read Emma and Pride and Prejudice ( I love romance and classics). Then I ran into the Harry Potter series. I was totally like... This is a fad, they can't be that good. Then I read books one and two and I was hooked they are so involved and connected. I loved them. Well I bought the new book last weekend and finished the monster of a book (650 pages) in two days, only because I forced myself to put it down to sleep, eat, as well as make my weekend phone calls to family. It was pretty good, but now I am dying... I have to wait a hole two years for the last book! Then got to thinking... How can it be the last book? What happens to the characters afterwards? When they grow up? To their children? To their teachers? It makes me so sad... But in many ways I want it to be over so that I am not tied in knots for two years waiting for one of the best weekends in my life a date with Harry Potter and ignoring the world that exists outside of Hogwarts and Hogsmeade. Maybe I should reread the entire series, but then what else am I missing out on. Any book suggestions anyone? I think my love affair with Harry has got to end, I am not sure I can be exclusive anymore. :-)