Is it something innate in human nature? Is it socialized? Why do we think that when things don't work out and we are on the receiving end of the bad news, we automatically think it is our fault.
Even if he cheats, we wonder, what didn't I have? What wasn't I giving him that he went somewhere else? What about me was inadequate? What is wrong with me?
When in reality there is nothing wrong with you. It just really sucks because here you are investing everything that you are, giving everything you have into that person.
So though it may feel like you are not good enough... It isn't that, it is just you aren't what they want. Now there is nothing nice or friendly about that statement. I am telling you my life has changed since reading the book "He's just not that into you." I have only started to think that even though they are everything I want I may not be what they want. But don't give up hope there is someone out there, and even if there isn't, learn to love yourself. Buy yourself flowers, take yourself to the movies, treat yourself to vacations, go to places you want to go and really just learn to love yourself.
Whether you struggle with body issues, relationship issues, work issues... I think in my very limited experience that once you begin to just learn to love what you have. Start to notice the good things about any situation the problems begin to work themselves out. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing what is wrong, see what is right! I used to weigh 30 pounds more, dieted all the time, but once I stopped trying to be perfect and just started to be comfortable with where I was, it was easier to eat right exercise more, and now I weigh less... The number may not be what I want, but I look damn good in the mirror. :-)
The same with relationships. I know that I was in love. I have had three loves in my life and each one has shattered my heart. Once because I was afraid and it wasn't what I wanted at that time. The other times because I wasn't what they wanted at that time in their lives. Love is about timing as much as it is about attraction and loyalty. When you really start to understand what you want, and once you can be happy and content without a relationship, you will find one that works because you will no longer be dependent on it, but rather it is something to compliment the life you already have and to incorporate into your life because you want it, not because you think you should have a partner, or because other people want you to... Or for whatever reason. People are so much more attractive when they don't need someone but want that person every single day of their lives. If you start at that point, well then later on you may begin to need each other, but at least you start out even. Anyway, I got way of topic and I still have a broken heart. I am rushing the dating thing for myself, and I know that, but... Just because we know what we should do, doesn't mean it always happens right away.
But please please forget everything else I have said and only remember that there is nothing really wrong with you, unless you are unhappy with who you are, and if that is the case figure out what makes you happy by yourself. That is the biggest challenge in the world. Loving someone else is easy... that will happen all by itself. Loving yourself takes effort, patience, and time. Good Luck! I think you are great and I haven't even met you. :-)
