"You're only young once." So my mom told me when I asked her if I should go out with a professor I met at a Salsa club. ;-)

"People only want what they can't have." I am finding this to be true, especially in relationships. As long as you play hard to get or there is conflict in the relationship. People don't want things to be easy.

Been Busy

So I have not written in a couple of days. I have been recovering from Monday's shock and the realization that I am actually doing okay. It is funny how a little exercise and stress can make you realize what is truly important in life. Granted I still say things that are far out and negative, but I do it more now to provoke people and as a way of at least reminding myself I still have options. After a few conversations with friends, and guys my confidence has been boosted. Yeah I am still alone, but being hit on by guys of all kinds (and a couple of girls) it makes me realize at least I am still desirable. However and unfortunately I have not been attracted to anyone. Oh well... baby steps. :-)

Valentine's Day would have been six months...

Tomorrow would have been my six month anniversary for the happiest relationship I ever had. Had... yes it is past tense, because instead it has been two weeks now of being alone. Once again, tomorrow is going to be the lonliest day of the year for me. And in so many ways, I wish it is the same for him... but I know it won't be. I wish I could be a better person, but I know that I am truly selfish. I want him to be miserable. I want him to miss me more than I miss him. What is so dumb is that even if he came back, I want to say no... fully knowing I would melt. I saw him yesterday dancing with so many girls, smiling and being as happy as he was before. Maybe it time for me to run away again... this time for a long time. The military is looking good, being stationed in Germany or out of the country for months at a time, or joining the peace core, or teaching English in a foreign country. It is time for me to get lost... maybe then I will find myself.....