I love my little house and my job and my life as is... but the problem is it is focused in the East Valley of Phoenix. I drive about 40 miles to hang out with my friends. Stupid me for buying a house way out here. But I love my house... I just wish I could move my friends.
However, then again I look at my friends. I went out on Thursday last week, and it was a lot of fun. We went to play laser tag and had dinner. It was fun. But... I look around and everyone I hang out with is married/engaged and they all have kids already. I don't need those two things thrown up in my face every time I go out.
What makes it even worse, is when I do go out and hang out with these people... I am treated as if I am a wife to the person I am going out with. That couldn't be farther from the truth. I stay out of his business, we essentially have separate lives that intersect once or twice a week. I don't have any impact on his decisions and he doesn't have any on mine.
I think it is bogus that 30 is the new 20. I am still among an entire set of people who are already married with many kids and they are just in their early 30s. If 30 is the new 20 where are all of the almost 30s like me?
I know it is my fault. I need to get out more... maybe it is time that I make my way out to one of those "young alum" mixers.... but as I near 30, am I too old for those?
*Sigh* I gotta do something to bring my life to the west side.. or buy a house out east too.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Homework
I hate homework. I don't know why I continuously enroll in classes. I like the dicussions and learning, but the homework isn't any fun. I can't motivate myself to do it. I even procrastinated by writing to my blog and complaining about it. I have a problem. :-) Oh well... Maybe I will do it now.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
The buzz around the office...
I overheard some girls at work talking today. They were discussing how many "potential" weddings there are in our department. I think they decided on 6 or 7. They were discussing how one of the girls should go to Vegas to get it done, "he would be down for that, wouldn't he?" she asked. Another girl told the story of how she bought her dress the day he proposed.
Sadly, that list of 6 or 7 didn't include me anymore. My heart half sank... while they are planning weddings I am in the process of applying for a job across the ocean in Germany. Though it is a very exciting prospect and would be a great career move, I can't help but realize the fate I am choosing by doing so.
It is making a reconciliation to the fact that I will never be a young bride, that instead I have little choice but to focus on a career and professional development.
God seems to have a way of making people take a path different than the one they have planned for themselves. Much of my life has been this way. I had no plans, hopes, or desire to be anything else than the small town girl who went to the local university, met a boy, started a family, and worked as a teacher in my former high school.
Instead, I applied to a prestigious University, got in and went, I graduated and moved closer to home to be around my sister, find a job and start living life. I partied had my fund and then decided to go back to school for free, got another degree. I then met the boy I thought was the one and started making plans... but then I had my heart broken. It has been a long year and a half since then ... and the realization that he never wanted to get married has finally settled in, so again God is pushing me in a new direction. Pushing me away from my comfortable bubble toward this amazing opportunity.
It is far from my family, friends, and him. It will require complete focus on my career and education. It will be hard, but like going to school it will be a personal and professional advancement independent of everyone else. I am not scared (but then am), and I think I could do it (besides mom, aunties, and uncles would be along to visit, I am just the excuse to travel so I hope not to be alone too long).
In the end it is one of those opportunities you have to try for if you have the chance. I figure I will never be any less attached or obligated than I am now... I'll have to stop holding back, hoping, and waiting.
But I can't help but move forward with a heavy heart because of the dream I am leaving behind.
A dream I carried with me for so long... it hurts to let go.
Sadly, that list of 6 or 7 didn't include me anymore. My heart half sank... while they are planning weddings I am in the process of applying for a job across the ocean in Germany. Though it is a very exciting prospect and would be a great career move, I can't help but realize the fate I am choosing by doing so.
It is making a reconciliation to the fact that I will never be a young bride, that instead I have little choice but to focus on a career and professional development.
God seems to have a way of making people take a path different than the one they have planned for themselves. Much of my life has been this way. I had no plans, hopes, or desire to be anything else than the small town girl who went to the local university, met a boy, started a family, and worked as a teacher in my former high school.
Instead, I applied to a prestigious University, got in and went, I graduated and moved closer to home to be around my sister, find a job and start living life. I partied had my fund and then decided to go back to school for free, got another degree. I then met the boy I thought was the one and started making plans... but then I had my heart broken. It has been a long year and a half since then ... and the realization that he never wanted to get married has finally settled in, so again God is pushing me in a new direction. Pushing me away from my comfortable bubble toward this amazing opportunity.
It is far from my family, friends, and him. It will require complete focus on my career and education. It will be hard, but like going to school it will be a personal and professional advancement independent of everyone else. I am not scared (but then am), and I think I could do it (besides mom, aunties, and uncles would be along to visit, I am just the excuse to travel so I hope not to be alone too long).
In the end it is one of those opportunities you have to try for if you have the chance. I figure I will never be any less attached or obligated than I am now... I'll have to stop holding back, hoping, and waiting.
But I can't help but move forward with a heavy heart because of the dream I am leaving behind.
A dream I carried with me for so long... it hurts to let go.
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