Feeling Blue

You know those days where there isn't anything more wrong than usual, but you just feel sad. Maybe I am the only one who has those days, but today is one of them.

I keep telling myself to be happy, it is Friday, there is Happy Hour, but then I start to think of after that...

I will probably go watch a movie alone, because I don't have a special person to be with...
And even though I have lots of invites for Saturday night, I don't want to go. Not because I don't have fun while there, but because I feel so empty when it is time to go home.

I think it feels empty afterwards because it really sets in that there is no one waiting, no one wanting you. If you never make it home that night, no one will notice for a few days until you don't answer the phone. There is no witness to your life. No one to tell you had a good time and wished they were there...

I know you are supposed to be happy on your own and I am... but at the same time life feels empty. I am so cheesy, have you see that movie "Shall we Dance" with Richard Gere and Susan Sarandan? Well, I think Susan Sarandan's character says something I couldn't agree to more... part of marriage is about having a "witness to your life." Being with someone is partially agreeing to care about all the little things that happen in each other lives. I guess I feel empty because I am doing good things with my life, and there isn't "a special person" I have to witness my life. All of my life, even the parts you don't share with family or just friends.

So, I am have the blues today... I wish the day was over.

Garden update

Growing a garden when the temperatures are 110+ degrees outside is very challenging, especially when it is a vegetable garden. It has been over 14 days and everything is still "alive." In fact, my garlic just broke ground yesterday! I was very excited!

Unfortunately, my tomato plants are not doing very well. Well, I bought another one today and planted it. We will see if the new combination of soil and location within the garden helps it flourish.

Wish me luck!

Make it stop...

Do you ever get something stuck in your head and you just can't put it out of your mind? Ugh, it is so aggravating. It seems that the more you try not to think about something, the more you do.

I think this is particularly true when you make a mistake. When I make a mistake, it seems it is all I can think about. I know that I think of at least a million ways things could have gone differently.

Well, I made a big one about a month ago, and it is still haunting me... However, it wasn't entirely within my control. Some mistakes depend not only on you, but on other people too...

I guess that is part of the mistake, giving someone else the ability to make the decision. I really really wish I could make it stop, make my mind stop thinking about it. It is weird, I am not depressed or sad, I haven't even cried much over this mistake... I guess because I know it was my fault so I can only be mad at myself. I haven't cried much because there is nothing I can do to remedy the situation. It is entirely up to others to allow me to make things right. However, I don't think they want that to happen.

Therefore, there is no reason to cry, and only the need to move on. But moving on from a mistake you made, is hard. I guess you have to make yourself accept what everyone tell you...
"Things happen for a reason" and "It takes time." Unfortunately, I have never been a patient person. Especially, with myself.