Make it stop...

Do you ever get something stuck in your head and you just can't put it out of your mind? Ugh, it is so aggravating. It seems that the more you try not to think about something, the more you do.

I think this is particularly true when you make a mistake. When I make a mistake, it seems it is all I can think about. I know that I think of at least a million ways things could have gone differently.

Well, I made a big one about a month ago, and it is still haunting me... However, it wasn't entirely within my control. Some mistakes depend not only on you, but on other people too...

I guess that is part of the mistake, giving someone else the ability to make the decision. I really really wish I could make it stop, make my mind stop thinking about it. It is weird, I am not depressed or sad, I haven't even cried much over this mistake... I guess because I know it was my fault so I can only be mad at myself. I haven't cried much because there is nothing I can do to remedy the situation. It is entirely up to others to allow me to make things right. However, I don't think they want that to happen.

Therefore, there is no reason to cry, and only the need to move on. But moving on from a mistake you made, is hard. I guess you have to make yourself accept what everyone tell you...
"Things happen for a reason" and "It takes time." Unfortunately, I have never been a patient person. Especially, with myself.

Dating and being social take so much effort...

Monday - grading papers
Tuesday - Work late, grocery shopping
Wednesday - Salsa dance lessons and Softball
Thursday - Movies
Friday - Happy Hour, home watching TV with a bottle of wine
Saturday - Date?
Sunday - Hang out with the girls, recover from the week?

This was my week looks like. Every night I did not go to bed before midnight...

I don't know what tonight is going to hold, a date maybe? I like being busy and having fun, doing new things... but it is so expensive. I think I need to pick up a "third" job aside from my teaching. Keeping a schedule like this to minimize the amount of time you have to think takes so much effort.

Aside from all that, it has never been my preferred way of living. I like going out and meeting new people, but my personality is more of a homebody. I like relaxed, small groups. I like groups where I don't have to make small talk and won't be thought that I am a "stick in the mud" because I don't want to do something.

Oh well... I guess we can't have what we want... instead you have to deal with what you are given, oh excuse me "blessed" with. I still think it is God's cruel joke. Some people only get so close to happiness and their dreams coming true... then they get the pain of watching it all slip away. Hope is a cruel thing. It is the curse of the optimistic. I hope that it is all happening for a reason.

HH (Happy Hour) and Friday Night

So I love my peeps from work... they are a good group. We go to HH early in the evening so we can all get home at a decent hour (since some of them live like 60 miles away).

I like hanging out with them... but it leaves me, as the only singleton in the group, hanging on a Friday night...

I am getting to a desperate point.

I feel like such a bitch since there are 4 guys I am talking to and only want one I am not with and can't have. Damn it, I hate being single.

So my Friday nights = me alone watching TV and downing a bottle of wine so that I will whine as I blog and then eventually pass out...

t-minus 2.5 years... come on real estate market... rebound so I can get the heck out of here.