In love or Insane?

I don't know what to do anymore. Last week I felt so broken and frustated and like I had had enough. That I didn't even care anymore if he was there or not and I was going to move on for me! It was the first time I truly couldn't cry about it anymore, and that made me feel weird because maybe it all didn't matter anymore and I didn't love him anymore. I wasn't even mad, I was just done. I just felt like I didn't have anymore of me to give. I was tired of fighting for something that was becoming more and more clear that it would never be...

The Best Night of My Life

So a lot of shit has happened over the last few months. Things have been great, they have been horrible, they have been perfect, they have been pathetic. Things have been okay and then I didn't know how to feel about them. In the end it all doesn't matter and balances out, and most of the time you end up somewhere in the middle. Looking back at the mess that has been my life since April I realize that it was a good time in my life. I learned a lot and experienced a lot. I hope I have grown from it and come out a better person and a different person. And now I am ready to move on in a new direction. I have realized that sometimes no matter how bad you want something you have to accept you can't have it sometimes, but sometimes you will have it for a moment. Looking back at this mess, one night stood out more than any other. One night I will try to remember forever because it was sweet and set fate into motion that lead me to where I am now. One night... What was so special about it was that night I knew I was wanted. That night I knew he would do anything for me and was reminded of all the reasons I fell in love with him and still loved him. He went out of his way for me. He were trying to find out about what I wanted for an engagement ring because he wanted to make me happy... That night, was probably the best night of my life, because though I tried not to, I dared to hope again, and fell in love all over again. So through this entire mess, I held on to that night and no matter what happens in my life, I hope to hold on to that forever especially now that we are not together anymore.

A late night weekend...

Whoa... I am getting too old for this stuff, and yet it is after 3 am and here I am wide awake and yet tired from the night before. I stayed up until 4am but at least then I had a reason to because of the great company. Well tonight I am listening to my dog snore and catching up on the shows I missed last week. I don't know what is wrong with my anymore. I am way too much of a night owl. Oh well, the hardest part is readjusting to the week and going to work in the morning on Monday. It's no big deal, I'll get used to it. I know that next week, I think I want to go dancing. I haven't been in a really long time, I am not sure I have any moves anymore... darn... just more proof that I am getting old. I better stop fooling myself, I can't "drop it like it's hot" anymore. :-)