Gone...

I know I have been gone for awhile. A lot has been happening in life. Working on a Master's degree is no easy task. I don't know how my favorite Blogger Jezzy did it while working on her PhD. I wish I could make a living by talking about myself then it would be so easy to write everyday, but I bet that is the hope and dream of everyone. I am by no means a great writer and by no measure a good writer. I know that my "rants" are littered with spelling and grammar errors. I know there are hundreds of people who blog and are more eloquent than I, but I guess the exibitionist in me kind of likes the idea that some out there is reading about my life and about me. Forming a picture of this person, who exists in this world, maybe miles away. A person who tries to be honest, has self-esteem issues, and bottom-line is real person. I am not the smartest person in the world, but I think I do a good job of listening to multiple sides of a story. I am not a super-model but I have my moments. I had a dream this morning that I'll talk about in my next post... Because I can't make up my mind.

September 2006: 911 five years later

Yes, one more thing about 9/11. If you are an American and reading this post you know exactly what I am talking about. On the evening of 9/11 I went to a memorial because I felt I was obligated to. I also wanted to see a physical representation of how many people were lost during the four terrorist attacks in America. I thought I would feel extremely solemn and moved when I arrived at the memorial. I thought it would be a little erie with the moon fading in and out of the clouds and the construction crane a high shadow falling across the lawn. But instead, I was dull. I don't know if I should feel guilty but I changed the channel all day long whether it was on the radio, TV, or even in surfing the net. I just didn't want to hear about it. I guess I avoided it. I know how sad it is, and though it has been five years I know it is a wound that has in no way healed for some. I can't imagine what New Yorkers felt that day and like the generation before us who know exactly where they were when JFK was shot, I can recall vividly the morning and moment the "towers fell". It is funny in that I wasn't quite surprised we were finally attacked and we only have a taste of what others live with everyday. I don't want to say we got what we deserved, I don't feel that way at all! I wish it had never happened and it saddens me that man-kind is capable of hurting so many others. As a psychology major and with the teachings of social psychology I know that everyone and anyone is capable of the same thing if they believe they are doing the right thing, if they believe they are protecting something... I don't know. I don't have the answers! I don't think anyone does! When I think about it, all I want to do is run home to my mom and dad and live my life out among a small group of people in the mountains secluded from the rest of the world. I wish I knew... I wish I knew how to make it better... to make a difference... does anyone know?

Taking things for granted

Parents are always there, if you are lucky. Many children grow up without a mother or without a father. Some children gain a step parent and it may or may not be the same. Children in general may take it for granted that they have parents. It is interesting because I have always had rather healthy parents who have always been there to provide for me, support me, and love me. For anyone who reads my blog occasionally you can tell that the past few months were pretty hard, in fact it has been ages since I last wrote. But I was thinking about it today and how we took for granted that my grandma was going to live until old age and dye peacefully in her sleep or something. Ideally I think this is what we all want. I don't think we ever want a loved one to leave us, but we want it to be painless and peaceful. Well, something else has started to simmer in my brain... my mom and dad aren't spring chickens anymore... no they are not old, Ancient or anything of the sort, but I can tell a lot more when my dad doesn't color his hair, or my mom gets up a little slower. I notice now when my dad is sore for days after some kind of physical activity.... and I realize that I too am getting older. Things change, life goes faster, or passes us by.