Am I over you?

So many times I think I am over you.
Then there are nights like this.
A place, a smell, a taste and it all comes flooding back.
My heart begins to ache again and I wonder why,
what happened, how did it not work out?
I didn't want forever but what was so bad that we couldn't give it a try.
Then I remember that life goes on, so I shed a tear or two,
have a drink, and put on that smile that I now know how to keep plastered on my face.
The same fake smile I have worn for so long because it keeps people from asking what's wrong.
And I realize all it takes is time.

Where did I go?

Okay so since my last post life has been crazy. I am totally a young 20 something... I have reached a point where I find myself going out every Friday and Saturday staying out until at least 5am... and then at least two other days during the week going out and drinking staying out until 2am. I never ever thought I would be this way. I don't know where this adventurous side of me has come from. It might be that I am actually at a point where I don't care anymore. I don't want commitment from anyone... I don't' want to be tied down... I want to be doing something... but then there is this voice in the back of my head saying stop this, it isn't you... it works and may be fun but it isn't you... Am I doing it because I haven't met someone I want to bring home and just watch movies with? One thing is for sure I am cutting back on the drinking and the fast food... I have gained 7 pounds in my month of craziness.... not bad I know but it makes a huge difference to me... I am going to focus on my working out again, besides I am running out of time before the marathon I am supposedly going to run. So maybe it is time for me to take a break. I learned again that I can easily form my own social network, I don't need to depend on my sister for friends, and my life can actually be 10 times more busy without effort either so I am okay... a social life will be there when I want it. But now it is time to get back to me and figuring out what I want. :-)

An Awkward Moment, not caused by me!

So I was annoyed by the people at the gym today. They were doing intervals on the treadmill. 10 minutes on.... three minutes off... so by the time I would have been able to stop what I was doing to jump on they were already back on the machine! And I don't know enough about gym etiquette to know if it is okay to just jump on or to ask to use the machine. So... I decided to drive to the lake to run. It was nice, a little warm, but it felt good to be outside. I only ran a mile and a half and got three phone calls in the process ( I knew I should have left my phone in the car, but I was running alone and well, it is a paranoid safety thing). Well, as I finished and was walking toward my car, I looked around and as I did this guy just froze, I took no notice of it until he kept looking at me. I think it was my ex walking with his new flavor of the month. I am still not sure it was him, and I think I actually saw fear in his eyes and he was about to turn and walk away. I paid no attention and kept walking ( I was trying to avoid something awkward). Was I wrong in my behavior? Should I have gone up to him and said hi? Man I wish there was a way to know what to do, so he would know I am over him and ready to be a mature adult about the entire situation. I don't think I did anything wrong, but the look on his face... hmm. Any comments anyone? :-/