Going home is usually a nice treat. It is mostly relaxing, and really I just find my state beautiful. The only part that is really hard for me is that I have difficulty sleeping. You would think I would be in heaven because the mountains where my mom and dad live is pitch dark (I am sensitive to light when I sleep) and it is so quiet.
The darkness and silence have been of little comfort this time around. I couldn't figure out why, but I think I know the answer now... I am missing my teddy bear, Bowser. I totally emptied my room at my parents house and have all my things at my new house in another state. This means that every stuffed animal was packed and shipped across the state line, so now I lay awake in bed with nothing to hug.
What makes me even more pathetic is that I am nearly 27 years old, and I can't sleep without my teddy bear. I wonder if it has gotten worse over the last month and a half. I never needed my bear when my boyfriend was sleeping with me, but now that he is gone it is the only comfort I have in my big empty bed at night.
So yes, I am almost 27 years old and I still sleep with a Teddy Bear. I don't think that is something I should mention on a first date, do you?
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
My first "First Date" in a really long time...
Three years ago I thought I had met the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and I nearly did when he proposed. However, the engagement was short-lived as he decided he couldn't do it. So I had my 7 minutes in heaven and then came crashing down.
Now nearly a year since the engagement ended, I went on my first date in a really long time (almost 3 years). I never really liked dating. Juggling multiple guys, the superficial phone conversations, and the expense of "going out" all the time whether to meet new guys or to hang out with a certain guy. However, I have to say that I like dating even less now.
Dating in your late 20s is very different from dating in your teens and early 20s. In your early 20s it is all about fun and just hanging out. Things don't have to really have a point, a future, a reason. Just, I like this person, we have fun when we hang out... let's hang out until it isn't fun. However, when you are 27 and dating people who are the same age or a bit older, each meeting (date) feels more like a "job interview."
I think it is because by this age, most people have had their heart broken or enough life experienc to know what they don't want. Therefore, men and women sit there trying to figure out if the person sitting across the table will fit into their life.
This become more difficult because I think that by the late 20s so many people already have their "own" life. They are not necessarily interested in strating a new life with someone, more like continuing their life and just adding someone in to fill a void that exists. Both people have their own lives and like it already. Having someone there, will just add to it so you want to make sure they fit in and will change your life as little as possible. Maybe people are not interested in "growing" together, because the last time they tried that, they got burned.
I really don't know. But it definately makes for a stressful first date. So things didn't go perfectly, he or she didn't say all the right things... does that mean you don't want to get to know the person at all, because you don't want to waste your time? For many people, I think the answer to that question is yes.
It is unfortunate because it makes me wonder what people are potential friends that get passed up because they don't fit the mold. Obviously you had enough in common to hangout at least once. Maybe there is no "Chemistry," but there is good conversation and shared interests that you could build a friendship on. And if you believe things happen for a reason, maybe meeting this person and becoming their friend will lead you to find the "one" you are supposed to be with.
So... I went on my first date. I guess you can tell it wasn't a roaring success. I didn't think it was a failure either, but it didn't make me feel very confident. In fact I had a dream, I was dating someone, and I was having a good time. My girlfriend turned to me and asked me, "are you in love?" And maybe as a sign that I am mending a broken heart, I said, "No, but since I can't marry for love (the ex-fiance), may as well marry for money." Needless to say, I woke up feeling guilty and depressed.
Maybe the not so stellar first date, and the dreams are trying to tell me that I am still in love and therefore need to fall out of love, before I can start my own "interviews" for the person I want to be with. I guess I still know the person I want to be with and have to let go of that. I thought I had let go, but I should know better I don't let go of people I love very easily.
In the end I think I was hoping I could capitalize on the concept of the "self-fulfilling prophecy" I learned about in Psych class. If I pretend to be okay, and pretend that I am ready to move on, it will become true and I will be okay and will move on. I guess I just need to fake it awhile longer.
Now nearly a year since the engagement ended, I went on my first date in a really long time (almost 3 years). I never really liked dating. Juggling multiple guys, the superficial phone conversations, and the expense of "going out" all the time whether to meet new guys or to hang out with a certain guy. However, I have to say that I like dating even less now.
Dating in your late 20s is very different from dating in your teens and early 20s. In your early 20s it is all about fun and just hanging out. Things don't have to really have a point, a future, a reason. Just, I like this person, we have fun when we hang out... let's hang out until it isn't fun. However, when you are 27 and dating people who are the same age or a bit older, each meeting (date) feels more like a "job interview."
I think it is because by this age, most people have had their heart broken or enough life experienc to know what they don't want. Therefore, men and women sit there trying to figure out if the person sitting across the table will fit into their life.
This become more difficult because I think that by the late 20s so many people already have their "own" life. They are not necessarily interested in strating a new life with someone, more like continuing their life and just adding someone in to fill a void that exists. Both people have their own lives and like it already. Having someone there, will just add to it so you want to make sure they fit in and will change your life as little as possible. Maybe people are not interested in "growing" together, because the last time they tried that, they got burned.
I really don't know. But it definately makes for a stressful first date. So things didn't go perfectly, he or she didn't say all the right things... does that mean you don't want to get to know the person at all, because you don't want to waste your time? For many people, I think the answer to that question is yes.
It is unfortunate because it makes me wonder what people are potential friends that get passed up because they don't fit the mold. Obviously you had enough in common to hangout at least once. Maybe there is no "Chemistry," but there is good conversation and shared interests that you could build a friendship on. And if you believe things happen for a reason, maybe meeting this person and becoming their friend will lead you to find the "one" you are supposed to be with.
So... I went on my first date. I guess you can tell it wasn't a roaring success. I didn't think it was a failure either, but it didn't make me feel very confident. In fact I had a dream, I was dating someone, and I was having a good time. My girlfriend turned to me and asked me, "are you in love?" And maybe as a sign that I am mending a broken heart, I said, "No, but since I can't marry for love (the ex-fiance), may as well marry for money." Needless to say, I woke up feeling guilty and depressed.
Maybe the not so stellar first date, and the dreams are trying to tell me that I am still in love and therefore need to fall out of love, before I can start my own "interviews" for the person I want to be with. I guess I still know the person I want to be with and have to let go of that. I thought I had let go, but I should know better I don't let go of people I love very easily.
In the end I think I was hoping I could capitalize on the concept of the "self-fulfilling prophecy" I learned about in Psych class. If I pretend to be okay, and pretend that I am ready to move on, it will become true and I will be okay and will move on. I guess I just need to fake it awhile longer.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Proof I am a hopeless romantic...
I think that those women who find a man who says, "I want a little girl, just like you" are truly lucky.
That single line to me, if only a line, would make me feel more special than anything else in the world. Now, I don't want a little girl just like me... I know I am not perfect. But it seems like a guy who says this thinks you are perfect... because he wants a mini you. :-)
It makes me melt, because in so many ways it means he loves you that much.
It doesn't make sense, but... well I don't know, in my head it does make sense.
That single line to me, if only a line, would make me feel more special than anything else in the world. Now, I don't want a little girl just like me... I know I am not perfect. But it seems like a guy who says this thinks you are perfect... because he wants a mini you. :-)
It makes me melt, because in so many ways it means he loves you that much.
It doesn't make sense, but... well I don't know, in my head it does make sense.
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