What a week

Last week was rather exhausting but I am proud of myself. I exercised a whole lot and I had a really good time going for a hike on Saturday. It was beautiful but there were a lot of people there. I will have to find another hike to go on that isn't quite so far. I was really lazy today and didn't get much of what I wanted to done. I watched a lot of football. Yeah, I know I am bad. However, I am determined to go for a jog today (ugh my calves are so sore). I am excited because I will start faculty training this week. It will be nice to start teaching. I hope I do a good job. :-) Well, a new week. Hope yours is off to a good start.

OMG, I did it again!!!

I am such an idiot. I did it again. Oh, well I guess it is okay but it is a huge reality check and slap in the face to show me how dumb I am and how no matter how far I think I have come in 60 days, I am exactly where I was before those 60 days, at least internally.

Externally, the reality is my ex-fiance and I are NOT together. Externally we are NOT dating. He hasn't asked me out and taken me on a date like I said I needed or wanted. He has not initiated a phone call! He hasn't proved any of it... and it is because he still isn't sure and maybe doesn't want a relationship.

So, he has not done those things but what did I still do? I called in to take a day off work so we could hang out! I called in. I took off work. I did, me, seriously, what is wrong with me!?! What is wrong with me? I am really being a dumb girl. I am that girl... I am still doing anything to make it work, to make it easier, to be with him.

Don't get me wrong, I had a great time and it felt so good and I miss him so much... but once again, it is me instigating it all... I am such a loser! I wish I had some backbone! What am I going to do? Ugh, I am frustrated with myself. Well I guess I just have to start over and hope I can change.

An early post

I decided to write to my blog early today because... well I want to try to avoid the computer when I get home today. I have been obsessively checking my email today hoping for a response and I have been constantly checking my phone for missed calls. I just don't learn do I?

Anyway, I am also posting early because I am going to go for another "run" today. I am going to shoot for 2 miles. So far my fast run was 1.5 miles in 15 minutes and my slow run was 2 miles in 24 minutes. I am going to shoot for 2.5 miles today and I don't care how long it takes. :-)

Hopefully, I will be so tired after that I will just go home eat a Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich, lay down to watch the season premier of bionic woman and LIFE, read for 20 minutes, maybe catch the 10pm news, and then go to bed while I pray the rosary. Yeah that is now my life, at least tonight.

I am happy it is Wednesday, and tomorrow is Thursday I might just go to the drive-in movies or meet up with some people for a Thirsty Thursday. Then there is Friday, and I am determined to go out because I don't want to be home alone (I cancelled my trip to Mexico). Maybe I will find some company for the evening ;-) (yeah right, not going to do that).

Saturday is a mid-morning hike around 8am at Camelback (I have been looking forward to it all week!) to work out whatever demons I consumed on Friday night, plus a weekend visitor will arrive later that day. I am dog sitting. :-) Yeah, so if I get through tonight, my life will look a little more interesting. :-)