Monday, August 20, 2007
Country music
I listened to country music for the first time today in 23 days. I had been afraid to because I thought it would make me cry. Well maybe it is because I am too numb to feel or my head is starting to win, but I didn't cry and I wasn't angry. It was just music.
My to do list, an update
So about two years ago I made a to do list of 100 things. Here they are and their statuses. I am still working on a lot of them. Maybe someday!
1. Float down the salt river - done this lots of times, it is so much fun, but haven't gone this year.
2. Go bowling - great date especially if you can drink
3. See a Broadway show
4. Watch a movie in a park
5. Go to the drive in movies - lots of fun, but not for the peak of summer in the southwest
6. Try fondue - had a sleazy car salesman try to seduce me over dinner... not sure I like fondue anymore.
7. Visit a little wine bar and learn more about wine -work in progress
8. Learn to Salsa dance - kind of did, it is awesome exercise and makes you feel sexy.
9. Learn to Swing dance
10. Go to the symphony
11. Go to the zoo - went with work, it was fun, but then killer in the 110+ degree heat.
12. Go to the botanical gardens
13. Walk around downtown Mesa
14. Go to the Phoenix Art Museum
15. Go to a history museum
16. Hike Camel back mountain - one of the most amazing things I have ever done, great for your confidence and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
17. Walk up "A" mountain - fun
18. Watch a D-back game - yeah Carlos Quentin
19. Watch a Suns game - sat in the Toyota club AND went to a playoffs game!
20. Go to a Spring training game - only been to one
21. Go to a driving range - lots of times
22. Attempt to play a hole of golf - played more than one, two sets of 9 holes! I am on my way to becoming a pro.
23. Go to Rome
24. Go to Venice
25. Go to Paris
26. Visit the Louvre
27. Go to Las Vegas - been twice! May be going again in a couple of weeks!
28. Camp at the Lake, Mountains - nothing like pitching a tent in the dark or by moonlight! So much fun!
29. Hang out and watch movies - all the time
30. Sleep - not enough
31. Star Gaze - trying to find somewhere to do this
32. Go to a nice steak dinner - Ruth's Chris count?
33. Watch a college Football, basketball, baseball game - only been to a baseball game.
34. Drink in a German Beer Garden
35. Ride Jet Skis - yay Elephant Butte lake
36. Learn to Water Ski - I got up, once
37. Buy a Kayak
38. Lean to "row"
39. Ride a paddle boat at the Lake
40. See a ballet
41. Go paint balling
42. Ride go-karts - there are some fun ones that go 30+ if you know how to drive
43. Go horseback riding
44. Go for a jog - lots of times, need to do it again
45. Go to a boxing gym
46. Take a kick-boxing class
47. Watch a friend skydive
48. Visit New Zealand
49. Go to Australia
50. Drive a boat
51. Go on a cruise
52. Go to Mexico - been twice now, the beach was amazing!
53. Visit Brazil
54. Go for a walk in the jungle.
55. Visit Alaska
56. Go to Ohio to ride the roller coasters
57. Make silly faces in the mirror to make me feel better and remember it is all perspective - all the time.
58. Laugh until I cry and my stomach is sore - not in a long time
59. Drink Maitais on the beach
60. Spend New Year's with someone special - did this, twice with the same guy, it will be awhile until it happens again.
61. Get drunk at a country concert and sing outloud
62. Win Concert tickets
63. Win the lottery - still trying, maybe tomorrow.
64. Go to Disneyland with the one I love
65. Visit the wineries in Sonoma
66. Take a trip to Sedona
67. Spend a Mardi Gras in New Orleans
68. Watch West Side Story
69. Go to an AZ casino
70. Learn to play craps - kind of
71. Climb a rockwall in a gym
72. Run a half marathon
73. Go to DC and spend days wandering around the Smithsonian
74. Go to Canada - planning on it in the next 6-8 months
75. Go snowboarding - been once, I miss it, need to go again
76. Try to ski
77. Walk the Riverwalk in San Antonio with someone special
78. BBQ brats by the pool and party with friends - 4th of July, it was so fun!
79. Meet new people - a few
80. Have random conversations - as often as possible, especially about psych
81. Go on an overnight hike.
82. Fall asleep in the backyard
83. Run through the sprinklers like a kid again
84. Go four-wheeling
85. Ride a Quad
86. Ride a motorcycle
87. Ride in a Corvette
88. Drive a Corvette
89. Take a Horse Drawn Carriage ride
90. Take a cooking class
91. Try to surf
92. Go deep sea fishing
93. Have dinner on a roadtrip - remember Laguna
94. Play basketball in the park - went a couple times, have to do this again
95. Learn to play tennis - am improving
96. Try ice hockey, or learn to at least stand watching it - getting better at watching it
97. Go to a professional women's football game - go Dre-dawg, my friend actually plays.
98. Find someone to wrestle, have tickle wars, and silent conversations with - found one and lost one
99. Taste every flavor of ice cream at Basking Robbins - Think I will stick to Rocky Road and Daiquiri Ice.
100. Everything else - still working on it.
I realize there are so many more things I want to do. I also realize that marriage or kids weren't even on my list. Maybe it is something I should think about... :-)
1. Float down the salt river - done this lots of times, it is so much fun, but haven't gone this year.
2. Go bowling - great date especially if you can drink
3. See a Broadway show
4. Watch a movie in a park
5. Go to the drive in movies - lots of fun, but not for the peak of summer in the southwest
6. Try fondue - had a sleazy car salesman try to seduce me over dinner... not sure I like fondue anymore.
7. Visit a little wine bar and learn more about wine -work in progress
8. Learn to Salsa dance - kind of did, it is awesome exercise and makes you feel sexy.
9. Learn to Swing dance
10. Go to the symphony
11. Go to the zoo - went with work, it was fun, but then killer in the 110+ degree heat.
12. Go to the botanical gardens
13. Walk around downtown Mesa
14. Go to the Phoenix Art Museum
15. Go to a history museum
16. Hike Camel back mountain - one of the most amazing things I have ever done, great for your confidence and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
17. Walk up "A" mountain - fun
18. Watch a D-back game - yeah Carlos Quentin
19. Watch a Suns game - sat in the Toyota club AND went to a playoffs game!
20. Go to a Spring training game - only been to one
21. Go to a driving range - lots of times
22. Attempt to play a hole of golf - played more than one, two sets of 9 holes! I am on my way to becoming a pro.
23. Go to Rome
24. Go to Venice
25. Go to Paris
26. Visit the Louvre
27. Go to Las Vegas - been twice! May be going again in a couple of weeks!
28. Camp at the Lake, Mountains - nothing like pitching a tent in the dark or by moonlight! So much fun!
29. Hang out and watch movies - all the time
30. Sleep - not enough
31. Star Gaze - trying to find somewhere to do this
32. Go to a nice steak dinner - Ruth's Chris count?
33. Watch a college Football, basketball, baseball game - only been to a baseball game.
34. Drink in a German Beer Garden
35. Ride Jet Skis - yay Elephant Butte lake
36. Learn to Water Ski - I got up, once
37. Buy a Kayak
38. Lean to "row"
39. Ride a paddle boat at the Lake
40. See a ballet
41. Go paint balling
42. Ride go-karts - there are some fun ones that go 30+ if you know how to drive
43. Go horseback riding
44. Go for a jog - lots of times, need to do it again
45. Go to a boxing gym
46. Take a kick-boxing class
47. Watch a friend skydive
48. Visit New Zealand
49. Go to Australia
50. Drive a boat
51. Go on a cruise
52. Go to Mexico - been twice now, the beach was amazing!
53. Visit Brazil
54. Go for a walk in the jungle.
55. Visit Alaska
56. Go to Ohio to ride the roller coasters
57. Make silly faces in the mirror to make me feel better and remember it is all perspective - all the time.
58. Laugh until I cry and my stomach is sore - not in a long time
59. Drink Maitais on the beach
60. Spend New Year's with someone special - did this, twice with the same guy, it will be awhile until it happens again.
61. Get drunk at a country concert and sing outloud
62. Win Concert tickets
63. Win the lottery - still trying, maybe tomorrow.
64. Go to Disneyland with the one I love
65. Visit the wineries in Sonoma
66. Take a trip to Sedona
67. Spend a Mardi Gras in New Orleans
68. Watch West Side Story
69. Go to an AZ casino
70. Learn to play craps - kind of
71. Climb a rockwall in a gym
72. Run a half marathon
73. Go to DC and spend days wandering around the Smithsonian
74. Go to Canada - planning on it in the next 6-8 months
75. Go snowboarding - been once, I miss it, need to go again
76. Try to ski
77. Walk the Riverwalk in San Antonio with someone special
78. BBQ brats by the pool and party with friends - 4th of July, it was so fun!
79. Meet new people - a few
80. Have random conversations - as often as possible, especially about psych
81. Go on an overnight hike.
82. Fall asleep in the backyard
83. Run through the sprinklers like a kid again
84. Go four-wheeling
85. Ride a Quad
86. Ride a motorcycle
87. Ride in a Corvette
88. Drive a Corvette
89. Take a Horse Drawn Carriage ride
90. Take a cooking class
91. Try to surf
92. Go deep sea fishing
93. Have dinner on a roadtrip - remember Laguna
94. Play basketball in the park - went a couple times, have to do this again
95. Learn to play tennis - am improving
96. Try ice hockey, or learn to at least stand watching it - getting better at watching it
97. Go to a professional women's football game - go Dre-dawg, my friend actually plays.
98. Find someone to wrestle, have tickle wars, and silent conversations with - found one and lost one
99. Taste every flavor of ice cream at Basking Robbins - Think I will stick to Rocky Road and Daiquiri Ice.
100. Everything else - still working on it.
I realize there are so many more things I want to do. I also realize that marriage or kids weren't even on my list. Maybe it is something I should think about... :-)
Sunday, August 19, 2007
A new do, a new you...
So I made myself go out last night. I didn't want to go and I am not sure I had fun, but I did it. I even tried straightening my hair and realized how long and out of control it is. My sister did my hair with a "poof" on top of my head (that is what she called it). So I went out with straight hair. Well, as straight as I could get it. :-)
Yesterday was a really hard day. I had cried a lot. I didn't want to go out but I knew I had to make myself. I got a certain sense of empowerment from it. I met up with a girl I had met online to just get out there. I am lucky enough that I have a great sister who went with me for support. We went to the coconut club... it was a slightly older crowd. We also figured out that all the college kids are back in town because it was very busy.
I got through the night, I even got hit on... though I was far from interested. It was funny that no one even looked attractive... but at least I was out there. I think it is going to be awhile before I consider "dating" again. Maybe I should just concentrate on my career for now and figuring out where I want to live and what I want to do. Try and invest in something or win the lottery... meh, whatever.
I think this time, I am not going to chase anyone. If a guy is interested, he will chase me. If a guy is interested, he will come to me. If he is "in love" with me, he will marry me. I think, I am also going to take things very slowly. We are truly just going to date, and he is going to have to do all the asking so I know he is there and wants to be there with me. I am also not going to date anyone who doesn't know what they want... meaning he has to at least know that he wants to get married and wants to have kids and is looking for "the one" to do that with and share their life with. However, that isn't going to be for awhile... because though I was able to go out, and felt okay... no one will compare for awhile. No one will be good enough... and right now they can't jut be good enough, they have to be better than what I had before. Poor guy, whoever he is... he has some huge shoes to fill.
Yesterday was a really hard day. I had cried a lot. I didn't want to go out but I knew I had to make myself. I got a certain sense of empowerment from it. I met up with a girl I had met online to just get out there. I am lucky enough that I have a great sister who went with me for support. We went to the coconut club... it was a slightly older crowd. We also figured out that all the college kids are back in town because it was very busy.
I got through the night, I even got hit on... though I was far from interested. It was funny that no one even looked attractive... but at least I was out there. I think it is going to be awhile before I consider "dating" again. Maybe I should just concentrate on my career for now and figuring out where I want to live and what I want to do. Try and invest in something or win the lottery... meh, whatever.
I think this time, I am not going to chase anyone. If a guy is interested, he will chase me. If a guy is interested, he will come to me. If he is "in love" with me, he will marry me. I think, I am also going to take things very slowly. We are truly just going to date, and he is going to have to do all the asking so I know he is there and wants to be there with me. I am also not going to date anyone who doesn't know what they want... meaning he has to at least know that he wants to get married and wants to have kids and is looking for "the one" to do that with and share their life with. However, that isn't going to be for awhile... because though I was able to go out, and felt okay... no one will compare for awhile. No one will be good enough... and right now they can't jut be good enough, they have to be better than what I had before. Poor guy, whoever he is... he has some huge shoes to fill.
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