Okay so I went through another break-up... I know you're saying wah, wah, wah, get over it, you should be used to it already and why the heck do you only write to your blog when you have a break up...
1. Well, it is usually because it is the only time I actually have time to write to my blog.
2. This is kind of like an online diary and this is what I am thinking about.
3. I think I come up with some interesting insights during this depressed time.
Now, I have a question to pose to anyone and everyone who reads this. How long does it take you to start feeling normal again?
That is my dilemma right now. Maybe I am just in shock or refusing to really deal with it, but...
I don't feel sad.
I'm not mad.
I'm not anxious.
In fact, I feel kind of free.
However, I don't feel quite normal.
It feels like I am forgetting to do something. If feels like something is missing. It feels like I am not exactly empty but like there is a hole somewhere in my brain.
How do you know you are "normal" again?
Are you normal again when you stop counting the number of days it has been since breaking up? Are you okay when you stop wanting to call that person everyday? Have you moved on when you go two days without thinking about the person once?
Do you think it is better to pack up everything that reminds you of that person away in a box so that you don't look at it and have something to remind you of your former lover? Do you leave it there in plain sight, and then when you can pass by without realizing it you are okay?
I am not sure you are ever normal again. I think it takes a really long time because you have lost a part of yourself and been severely hurt. I think you even enter into many future relationships with a disability. My best friend is probably right though that the only way you heal and feel normal again is not just with time, but with love.
I think not just love from another person in a special relationship, but love for yourself and realizing that you are worth and deserve someone who will appreciate you and want to work together to create a life. No guarantees of happiness but a guarantee to that another person is willing to try for the rest of their life.
All I can say, is it has been less than a week and it feels like an eternity... so when will I feel normal again? I wish I knew.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
New Rules of Dating, if you want a real relationship
1. Never have a relationship with a guy who hasn't already had his heart broken.
Rationale: I think ee won't be afraid to break yours and he will never be ready to commit.
2. Don't have a relationship with someone who is an adrenaline junkie.
Rationale: When the initial fascination fades, they will fade out of your life too. As my college roomie said they are in the moment and not the long haul.
3. After you have met and decided he isn't a serial killer, don't meet him, make him pick you up.
Rationale: Boys are lazy and don't want to work at relationships, they will keep you around as long as they can and you will never know if they are committed or if it is convenient.
4. Never say you don't like flowers or the things he brings you.
Rationale: The day you do, he will stop buying you flowers and stop bringing you things.
5. Don’t always be there when he calls, keep living your own life.
Rationale: If he wants to be in a relationship and wants more, he will have to ask for it and make a commitment before he can ask or expect more. Also to keep you level-headed. As girls I think we fall head over heels and forget our dreams and goals.
Bonus: Don’t be afraid to ask about the future.
Rationale: If you are afraid to ask, you already know it isn’t the relationship. It is then time to ask the hard questions so you can move on.
Rationale: I think ee won't be afraid to break yours and he will never be ready to commit.
2. Don't have a relationship with someone who is an adrenaline junkie.
Rationale: When the initial fascination fades, they will fade out of your life too. As my college roomie said they are in the moment and not the long haul.
3. After you have met and decided he isn't a serial killer, don't meet him, make him pick you up.
Rationale: Boys are lazy and don't want to work at relationships, they will keep you around as long as they can and you will never know if they are committed or if it is convenient.
4. Never say you don't like flowers or the things he brings you.
Rationale: The day you do, he will stop buying you flowers and stop bringing you things.
5. Don’t always be there when he calls, keep living your own life.
Rationale: If he wants to be in a relationship and wants more, he will have to ask for it and make a commitment before he can ask or expect more. Also to keep you level-headed. As girls I think we fall head over heels and forget our dreams and goals.
Bonus: Don’t be afraid to ask about the future.
Rationale: If you are afraid to ask, you already know it isn’t the relationship. It is then time to ask the hard questions so you can move on.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
The First Day of My New Life: The Healing Power of Music
The First Day of My New Life
I ask one more time, "Are you sure you can't tell?" I was asking about my breasts, I wanted to make sure they didn't look to lumpy since I had stuffed my bra with some miniatures of Vodka. I was totally paranoid to walk into the music festival for fear of being busted... but hey as recent college grads paying $6-8 a drink for the next 6 hours would get really expensive really fast.
I didn't have that much fun but I went. The bands were too slow, even though they are great headliners. Come on who doesn't like Everclear and The Fray? However, they are not exactly the most upbeat energetic music to get the crowd going and keep them going for six hours. The slow rock ballads and what some people call complaint rock didn't have the energy the crowd needed to stay in a good mood because of the expensive booze and long day. Additionally, the 30 minutes between sets was outrageous... the talking and talking... droned on so that no one wanted to pay attention to the stage anymore.
I felt like it was a really long expensive day and we didn't even head out to the arts and crafts festival and music festival to eat dinner until nearly 4 o'clock in the afternoon. We ate dinner at Gordon-Biersch then went down to the park to listen to the music and drink. The music was alright but most of the time was spent coordinating or waiting for people and talking about where they were or when they were coming. The slow music and going to get people things to drink, wore me out. Around 11pm I was ready for bed because I was bored and getting cranky.
However, in the end it was fun because I went out on a Saturday night and stayed out until the wee hours of the morning. I hadn't done much of that in a long time. It was fun to see my sister laughing and socializing with her friends. But it was also a little sad. Again, I was tagging along because I don't have many friends here. Again, I felt all alone in a huge crowd of people because the whole atmosphere was filled with memories. So it was bitter sweet to say the least, but it was a big step forward. I did 
two things without my former partner in crime and I survived. I did miss my friend, but I got through it.
The friends I have told, I have also told, I wish I could just fast forward through the next two months so that I could flirt, date, and just forget about this whole thing already. It's alright though, there are a lot more things to do right now. Like... my homework that I am avoiding.
I ask one more time, "Are you sure you can't tell?" I was asking about my breasts, I wanted to make sure they didn't look to lumpy since I had stuffed my bra with some miniatures of Vodka. I was totally paranoid to walk into the music festival for fear of being busted... but hey as recent college grads paying $6-8 a drink for the next 6 hours would get really expensive really fast.
I didn't have that much fun but I went. The bands were too slow, even though they are great headliners. Come on who doesn't like Everclear and The Fray? However, they are not exactly the most upbeat energetic music to get the crowd going and keep them going for six hours. The slow rock ballads and what some people call complaint rock didn't have the energy the crowd needed to stay in a good mood because of the expensive booze and long day. Additionally, the 30 minutes between sets was outrageous... the talking and talking... droned on so that no one wanted to pay attention to the stage anymore.
I felt like it was a really long expensive day and we didn't even head out to the arts and crafts festival and music festival to eat dinner until nearly 4 o'clock in the afternoon. We ate dinner at Gordon-Biersch then went down to the park to listen to the music and drink. The music was alright but most of the time was spent coordinating or waiting for people and talking about where they were or when they were coming. The slow music and going to get people things to drink, wore me out. Around 11pm I was ready for bed because I was bored and getting cranky.
However, in the end it was fun because I went out on a Saturday night and stayed out until the wee hours of the morning. I hadn't done much of that in a long time. It was fun to see my sister laughing and socializing with her friends. But it was also a little sad. Again, I was tagging along because I don't have many friends here. Again, I felt all alone in a huge crowd of people because the whole atmosphere was filled with memories. So it was bitter sweet to say the least, but it was a big step forward. I did 
two things without my former partner in crime and I survived. I did miss my friend, but I got through it.
The friends I have told, I have also told, I wish I could just fast forward through the next two months so that I could flirt, date, and just forget about this whole thing already. It's alright though, there are a lot more things to do right now. Like... my homework that I am avoiding.
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