Sinking fast....

I guess it is time for one of my moods again. They tend to pop up about this time... is it because I hate Valentine's? I don't know... maybe but there is this feeling in my heart. I don't know if I am avoiding something or preparing to run... or intentionally preparing for something. It is just a heavy heart... when people came up with these descriptions they knew what they were talking about... If you have never felt this way it is exactly how it sounds. It is funny that this feeling isn't cognitively altered or analyzed. It is literally a physical feeling in the heart that you are conscious of and can't figure out. It isn't exactly frustrating, but it is sad because I at least think that if it is something big enough to move my heart; I would hope it would be something that I have consciously thinking about...

Heart broken, heart ache, heavy heart, sinking heart.... sinking feeling of going down and not to somewhere you are excited about going... well... the only thing is to wait it out and see.

A hard day for everyone...

A restless night in bed usually means that something is going to happen the next day... at least for me. I must admit that I can't determine in advance if my "feelings" mean that it is something good or bad that is going to happen... but last night I tossed and turned with only two names on my mind, Ben and my Grandma. I spent all day on pins and needles wondering what was going to happen to them. Well I can't help but say that I was a little relieved when I heard one person was having a bad day because I thought I was in the clear and that was as bad as it was going to get. Eghhh! Wrong answer..... why do we tempt fate? I had to go and hope/think that was it, that it was all okay from there. I guess I should have known better when something still irked me. Well of course I got one of those mom phone calls today... so I knew right away that my "feeling" was still there for a reason. See my mom's gives me these phone calls that start out... Hi Sobie, I just wanted you to know.... or Hey Sobe, are your sister and mark there... or Hi Sobie, I need to tell you something .... Well, I automatically know something is not right.... Things aren't wrong, but they're not right. Well, I got one today... I think I knew all along this was coming. I think we all knew all along. I think I was better prepared than most, and yet... I am still overwhelmed by the news. I am okay... and it doens't mean I have given up hope... but... I guess it is like I told my mom, we just gotta take it one day at a time. So the truth of the matter is.... my Grandma is not well and probably never will be again. It is really strange, I am sad and when the time comes I will be devastated. But right now, I am okay... I'm okay because I would rather my grandma not suffer, not be in pain. I am okay because she has lived one of the most amazing lives I have ever known. She raised an amazing family, has unshakable faith, loves without regard, knows how to forgive, and worked hard her entire life. The only thing I am sad about, is that the end isn't easy and stressfree. I guess I need to realize that God has a plan for everyone. 

My Nephew:Buddy the Wonder Dog

I couldn't resist putting a picture of "my nephew" he is too cute. Anyone who knows me and talks to me at all knows that at some point in the conversation I am able to talk about "Buddy" our cute little beagle. Tell me how can you not love that face. He has hit the terrible twos though. He does not quit! When he wants to play... he wants to play! He has been causing trouble and stressing my sister out, but he is a comfort to have and now I never sleep alone. :-)