Wednesday, July 13, 2005
An Awkward Moment, not caused by me!
So I was annoyed by the people at the gym today. They were doing intervals on the treadmill. 10 minutes on.... three minutes off... so by the time I would have been able to stop what I was doing to jump on they were already back on the machine! And I don't know enough about gym etiquette to know if it is okay to just jump on or to ask to use the machine. So... I decided to drive to the lake to run. It was nice, a little warm, but it felt good to be outside. I only ran a mile and a half and got three phone calls in the process ( I knew I should have left my phone in the car, but I was running alone and well, it is a paranoid safety thing). Well, as I finished and was walking toward my car, I looked around and as I did this guy just froze, I took no notice of it until he kept looking at me. I think it was my ex walking with his new flavor of the month. I am still not sure it was him, and I think I actually saw fear in his eyes and he was about to turn and walk away. I paid no attention and kept walking ( I was trying to avoid something awkward). Was I wrong in my behavior? Should I have gone up to him and said hi? Man I wish there was a way to know what to do, so he would know I am over him and ready to be a mature adult about the entire situation. I don't think I did anything wrong, but the look on his face... hmm. Any comments anyone? :-/
Monday, July 11, 2005
Let's talk about sex
Okay so I have tons of questions. My entire life I have had nothing but questions about sex and only recently have I started to get answers. By and far it seems that the only way to get answers in american culture is by experimenting. Now, I am not up for experimenting in the sexual realm until it is with someone you can trust. There are so many STDs nowadays that it is a risky experiment to conduct.
Another way to learn is to do lots of reading and watching. Now the reading is fun and one of the best books out there is put out by goofy foot print called "The Guide to Getting It On!" This book has pictures, commentary, cartoons, and anecdotes. It is hilarious. I love it. I think it should be incorporated into sex education around the country.
Another great source is pornography, as long as it is tasteful. Rape scenarios, etc are not cool but there is some useful intersting stuff out there that can help girls especially become more comfortable with enjoying sex.
What I don't think there is enough of is discourse on masturbation and oral sex. There are so many misconceptions and it is't encouraged (especially in young women). However, in reality it is a really healthy alternative and safe way of not getting pregnant (if you do it right), staying free of many many STDs, and learning about yourself and what you enjoy so that when you do decide to become "more intimate" with someone you know where you need to be stimulated.
I know I have gone about this entire backwards in my life. I started out with the big enchilada (SEX) and was let down. In speaing with some friends I realize that I have rarely been satisfied and I think I don't let myself be satisfied, I always stop someone before I "lose control". why? I wish I knew. Okay I am bored, maybe I will write about this more later on but tell me what you think... or if you know of any resources to learn the "how to" of these things that would be helpful too. :-)
Another way to learn is to do lots of reading and watching. Now the reading is fun and one of the best books out there is put out by goofy foot print called "The Guide to Getting It On!" This book has pictures, commentary, cartoons, and anecdotes. It is hilarious. I love it. I think it should be incorporated into sex education around the country.
Another great source is pornography, as long as it is tasteful. Rape scenarios, etc are not cool but there is some useful intersting stuff out there that can help girls especially become more comfortable with enjoying sex.
What I don't think there is enough of is discourse on masturbation and oral sex. There are so many misconceptions and it is't encouraged (especially in young women). However, in reality it is a really healthy alternative and safe way of not getting pregnant (if you do it right), staying free of many many STDs, and learning about yourself and what you enjoy so that when you do decide to become "more intimate" with someone you know where you need to be stimulated.
I know I have gone about this entire backwards in my life. I started out with the big enchilada (SEX) and was let down. In speaing with some friends I realize that I have rarely been satisfied and I think I don't let myself be satisfied, I always stop someone before I "lose control". why? I wish I knew. Okay I am bored, maybe I will write about this more later on but tell me what you think... or if you know of any resources to learn the "how to" of these things that would be helpful too. :-)
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Why do girls think it is their fault when things don't work out?
Is it something innate in human nature? Is it socialized? Why do we think that when things don't work out and we are on the receiving end of the bad news, we automatically think it is our fault.
Even if he cheats, we wonder, what didn't I have? What wasn't I giving him that he went somewhere else? What about me was inadequate? What is wrong with me?
When in reality there is nothing wrong with you. It just really sucks because here you are investing everything that you are, giving everything you have into that person.
So though it may feel like you are not good enough... It isn't that, it is just you aren't what they want. Now there is nothing nice or friendly about that statement. I am telling you my life has changed since reading the book "He's just not that into you." I have only started to think that even though they are everything I want I may not be what they want. But don't give up hope there is someone out there, and even if there isn't, learn to love yourself. Buy yourself flowers, take yourself to the movies, treat yourself to vacations, go to places you want to go and really just learn to love yourself.
Whether you struggle with body issues, relationship issues, work issues... I think in my very limited experience that once you begin to just learn to love what you have. Start to notice the good things about any situation the problems begin to work themselves out. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing what is wrong, see what is right! I used to weigh 30 pounds more, dieted all the time, but once I stopped trying to be perfect and just started to be comfortable with where I was, it was easier to eat right exercise more, and now I weigh less... The number may not be what I want, but I look damn good in the mirror. :-)
The same with relationships. I know that I was in love. I have had three loves in my life and each one has shattered my heart. Once because I was afraid and it wasn't what I wanted at that time. The other times because I wasn't what they wanted at that time in their lives. Love is about timing as much as it is about attraction and loyalty. When you really start to understand what you want, and once you can be happy and content without a relationship, you will find one that works because you will no longer be dependent on it, but rather it is something to compliment the life you already have and to incorporate into your life because you want it, not because you think you should have a partner, or because other people want you to... Or for whatever reason. People are so much more attractive when they don't need someone but want that person every single day of their lives. If you start at that point, well then later on you may begin to need each other, but at least you start out even. Anyway, I got way of topic and I still have a broken heart. I am rushing the dating thing for myself, and I know that, but... Just because we know what we should do, doesn't mean it always happens right away.
But please please forget everything else I have said and only remember that there is nothing really wrong with you, unless you are unhappy with who you are, and if that is the case figure out what makes you happy by yourself. That is the biggest challenge in the world. Loving someone else is easy... that will happen all by itself. Loving yourself takes effort, patience, and time. Good Luck! I think you are great and I haven't even met you. :-)
Even if he cheats, we wonder, what didn't I have? What wasn't I giving him that he went somewhere else? What about me was inadequate? What is wrong with me?
When in reality there is nothing wrong with you. It just really sucks because here you are investing everything that you are, giving everything you have into that person.
So though it may feel like you are not good enough... It isn't that, it is just you aren't what they want. Now there is nothing nice or friendly about that statement. I am telling you my life has changed since reading the book "He's just not that into you." I have only started to think that even though they are everything I want I may not be what they want. But don't give up hope there is someone out there, and even if there isn't, learn to love yourself. Buy yourself flowers, take yourself to the movies, treat yourself to vacations, go to places you want to go and really just learn to love yourself.
Whether you struggle with body issues, relationship issues, work issues... I think in my very limited experience that once you begin to just learn to love what you have. Start to notice the good things about any situation the problems begin to work themselves out. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing what is wrong, see what is right! I used to weigh 30 pounds more, dieted all the time, but once I stopped trying to be perfect and just started to be comfortable with where I was, it was easier to eat right exercise more, and now I weigh less... The number may not be what I want, but I look damn good in the mirror. :-)
The same with relationships. I know that I was in love. I have had three loves in my life and each one has shattered my heart. Once because I was afraid and it wasn't what I wanted at that time. The other times because I wasn't what they wanted at that time in their lives. Love is about timing as much as it is about attraction and loyalty. When you really start to understand what you want, and once you can be happy and content without a relationship, you will find one that works because you will no longer be dependent on it, but rather it is something to compliment the life you already have and to incorporate into your life because you want it, not because you think you should have a partner, or because other people want you to... Or for whatever reason. People are so much more attractive when they don't need someone but want that person every single day of their lives. If you start at that point, well then later on you may begin to need each other, but at least you start out even. Anyway, I got way of topic and I still have a broken heart. I am rushing the dating thing for myself, and I know that, but... Just because we know what we should do, doesn't mean it always happens right away.
But please please forget everything else I have said and only remember that there is nothing really wrong with you, unless you are unhappy with who you are, and if that is the case figure out what makes you happy by yourself. That is the biggest challenge in the world. Loving someone else is easy... that will happen all by itself. Loving yourself takes effort, patience, and time. Good Luck! I think you are great and I haven't even met you. :-)
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