Is it something innate in human nature? Is it socialized? Why do we think that when things don't work out and we are on the receiving end of the bad news, we automatically think it is our fault.
Even if he cheats, we wonder, what didn't I have? What wasn't I giving him that he went somewhere else? What about me was inadequate? What is wrong with me?
When in reality there is nothing wrong with you. It just really sucks because here you are investing everything that you are, giving everything you have into that person.
So though it may feel like you are not good enough... It isn't that, it is just you aren't what they want. Now there is nothing nice or friendly about that statement. I am telling you my life has changed since reading the book "He's just not that into you." I have only started to think that even though they are everything I want I may not be what they want. But don't give up hope there is someone out there, and even if there isn't, learn to love yourself. Buy yourself flowers, take yourself to the movies, treat yourself to vacations, go to places you want to go and really just learn to love yourself.
Whether you struggle with body issues, relationship issues, work issues... I think in my very limited experience that once you begin to just learn to love what you have. Start to notice the good things about any situation the problems begin to work themselves out. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing what is wrong, see what is right! I used to weigh 30 pounds more, dieted all the time, but once I stopped trying to be perfect and just started to be comfortable with where I was, it was easier to eat right exercise more, and now I weigh less... The number may not be what I want, but I look damn good in the mirror. :-)
The same with relationships. I know that I was in love. I have had three loves in my life and each one has shattered my heart. Once because I was afraid and it wasn't what I wanted at that time. The other times because I wasn't what they wanted at that time in their lives. Love is about timing as much as it is about attraction and loyalty. When you really start to understand what you want, and once you can be happy and content without a relationship, you will find one that works because you will no longer be dependent on it, but rather it is something to compliment the life you already have and to incorporate into your life because you want it, not because you think you should have a partner, or because other people want you to... Or for whatever reason. People are so much more attractive when they don't need someone but want that person every single day of their lives. If you start at that point, well then later on you may begin to need each other, but at least you start out even. Anyway, I got way of topic and I still have a broken heart. I am rushing the dating thing for myself, and I know that, but... Just because we know what we should do, doesn't mean it always happens right away.
But please please forget everything else I have said and only remember that there is nothing really wrong with you, unless you are unhappy with who you are, and if that is the case figure out what makes you happy by yourself. That is the biggest challenge in the world. Loving someone else is easy... that will happen all by itself. Loving yourself takes effort, patience, and time. Good Luck! I think you are great and I haven't even met you. :-)
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Personal Ads: They serve many purposes
You are out of school working 40 hours a week with people who may or may not be you same age. Then they are the people you see at work and don't necessarily want to spend 40 hours with outside of work... so... then how do you meet people ? Join a gym, join a club, take up a hobby? Why not put out a personal ad?
The wave of the future and use of technology. Of course you must be careful but you have to be careful if you meet anyone face to face the first time. I did it and the results have been very positive. I have met some very interesting, fun, polite, and intelligent people. I used to be sad that I didn't get e-mail and now, I can't keep up. I am not bragging but it sure was a confidence boost to see that there were many people who could potentially be interested in me, even when I was upfront and honest about what I expected and what I would not do.
So all I can say is go for it. The world has no boundaries now and if you are feeling stuck it is a great way to find people who are most of the time friendly and also just looking to meet someone. Remember it isn't a contract or a long-term committment but just a first step. Just be careful and keep it public. :-)
The wave of the future and use of technology. Of course you must be careful but you have to be careful if you meet anyone face to face the first time. I did it and the results have been very positive. I have met some very interesting, fun, polite, and intelligent people. I used to be sad that I didn't get e-mail and now, I can't keep up. I am not bragging but it sure was a confidence boost to see that there were many people who could potentially be interested in me, even when I was upfront and honest about what I expected and what I would not do.
So all I can say is go for it. The world has no boundaries now and if you are feeling stuck it is a great way to find people who are most of the time friendly and also just looking to meet someone. Remember it isn't a contract or a long-term committment but just a first step. Just be careful and keep it public. :-)
Monday, June 13, 2005
A busy weekend: I forgot I had a social life...
What a weekend!?! This past weekend was great. It was my friends birthday and even though the weekend was non-stop it was relaxing. We started by building up the hype all week long at work via e-mail chattin up where we were going and what we were going to wear...
Well our original plan went nowhere when the club we were planning to go to wound up to be closed. :) No problem. Instead we went to this hole in the wall bar that could have passed for one right off the beach of Mexico if there had been sand on the floor. It was a lot of fun dancing to music I didn't know and with guys I didn't know but mostly because they didn't expect anything from me. We closed the place at 2:30am and made the 40 minute drive back to my friends house where we decided we were hungry and needed to have breakfast. We drove 20 minutes to the nearest Denny's where I met Phyllis (my friend is on a first name basis with all his drunken nights) who gave us free desert at 4am. I
t was great, by the time we got back to her house it was 4:30. My guy friend and I fell asleep for about two hours before he got up not feeling well, of course being the friend I am I got up to make sure he was okay. Well we got back to bed a half hour later and slept another two hours before we woke up at 8:30am and talked for an hour about the night before and debated legalizing Marijuana. It was fun, his phone rang and the three of us, my guy friend, the birthday girl, and myself got up to go for a four hour float on tubes down the river. While they took showers I went for a run. It was perfect...
We hit the door at 10:30am stopped at the store and were on the river by 1pm. The four hour float was so relaxing... we hung out with the guys and just enjoyed the sun, the water, and the company. By the time we got back it was 5pm, I came home caught a quick nap and then hung out with my sister and her boyfriend. We watched two movies, "Along came Polly" and "The Aviator". (Recommend both just for fun)
Well at about 11:30pm my football boys called so I got ready in 20 minutes and hit the door for this funky bar called Casey Moore's. It was fun, stayed there about an hour before hitting a house party... So I showed my face then hit the road for home, arriving about 2 am. I knew I wouldn't be able to get up in the morning to go hiking. My professor friend called at 7am Sunday, I was ready to go, but when I told him about my night he said it wasn't a good idea to do this hike tired... we postponed and instead I rearranged and cleaned my room. Oh but the weekend wasn't over... my football boys called again and I hit the door Sunday night... What a great weekend! Who needs a boyfriend... they only take up your social time, unless he can keep up. :-)
Well our original plan went nowhere when the club we were planning to go to wound up to be closed. :) No problem. Instead we went to this hole in the wall bar that could have passed for one right off the beach of Mexico if there had been sand on the floor. It was a lot of fun dancing to music I didn't know and with guys I didn't know but mostly because they didn't expect anything from me. We closed the place at 2:30am and made the 40 minute drive back to my friends house where we decided we were hungry and needed to have breakfast. We drove 20 minutes to the nearest Denny's where I met Phyllis (my friend is on a first name basis with all his drunken nights) who gave us free desert at 4am. I
t was great, by the time we got back to her house it was 4:30. My guy friend and I fell asleep for about two hours before he got up not feeling well, of course being the friend I am I got up to make sure he was okay. Well we got back to bed a half hour later and slept another two hours before we woke up at 8:30am and talked for an hour about the night before and debated legalizing Marijuana. It was fun, his phone rang and the three of us, my guy friend, the birthday girl, and myself got up to go for a four hour float on tubes down the river. While they took showers I went for a run. It was perfect...
We hit the door at 10:30am stopped at the store and were on the river by 1pm. The four hour float was so relaxing... we hung out with the guys and just enjoyed the sun, the water, and the company. By the time we got back it was 5pm, I came home caught a quick nap and then hung out with my sister and her boyfriend. We watched two movies, "Along came Polly" and "The Aviator". (Recommend both just for fun)
Well at about 11:30pm my football boys called so I got ready in 20 minutes and hit the door for this funky bar called Casey Moore's. It was fun, stayed there about an hour before hitting a house party... So I showed my face then hit the road for home, arriving about 2 am. I knew I wouldn't be able to get up in the morning to go hiking. My professor friend called at 7am Sunday, I was ready to go, but when I told him about my night he said it wasn't a good idea to do this hike tired... we postponed and instead I rearranged and cleaned my room. Oh but the weekend wasn't over... my football boys called again and I hit the door Sunday night... What a great weekend! Who needs a boyfriend... they only take up your social time, unless he can keep up. :-)
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